...no matter how innocent...

"Whatever weakens your reason, whatever impairs the tenderness of your conscience, whatever obscures your sense of God, whatever increases the authority of your body over your mind, whatever takes away from your relish for spiritual things, that to you is sin, no matter how innocent it is in itself."

--excerpt from a letter Susanna Wesley wrote to her son John



God, forgive me.

"The sun is shining!"

This morning I had to fill the coffee urns with hot water before brewing the coffee, so that the urns were warm enough to keep the coffee warm. So I filled 3 of the 4 urns and set the coffee maker up to brew a pot of dark roast. I shoved the appropriate urn under and started to brew the coffee, then walked down the back and around the corner for a minute to attend to something. When I got back, the coffee was all over the counter and the floor. Took me a while, but I figured out what was wrong: ALWAYS empty the water from the coffee urn BEFORE brewing the coffee!

What a start to the day!

"...He woke up, bumped his head, and wouldn't get up in the morning!"

It's raining. Yes, it is most definately THAT time of year. This morning I had the opening shift, and as I took the chairs down from the tables I looked out at the water in the street. Boy, it was rising fast! Wait a minute! If it keeps raining like this, it won't be long before that's more than rain! What happens if the ocean gets filled up too much? My uniform would get wreaked. I'd probably loose my name tag in my rush to reach higher ground. The bosses wouldn't like that. And all the hairnets would get washed away! Hooray for work without hairnets! In my dreams.

I like this time of year. Jeans, sweatshirts, blankets, hot drinks, books, movies...

Personal note here: Amy, watch out for the SK in Thailand. He'll probably show up somewhere. Don't forget to tell me about it!

"...Just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

Oh brother, am I ever failing. There's a couple of people at work who are driving me crazy right now. I was reading my Bible during my lunch break and I came across Ephesians 4:17-5:19 and got hit by a couple of things. It's a passage talking about...wait for it:

Living in the Light.

You know how when something is bothering you, you just seem to talk about it...to any one who'll listen? Well, here it is in bold red letters:

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

And there you have it. I can't argue that they do things to me and everyone else and therefore deserve to have it done back. I wouldn't want God to do the same with me. So now I have to see how I can learn from this situation. And I will.

Goodnight!

In other news...

I CAN NO LONGER PLAY VIOLIN.

It's the sad truth. My sister and I were jamming together last night, and I discovered that I can no longer feel harmonies on my violin. It's like I can't really hear what I'm playing. Very sad...even though I've lost interest in it this past year/year+1/2, it still feels like a big part of me is gone. But life goes on.

Currently listening: Corpse Bride soundtrack (gotta love Victor's piano solo)
Currently reading: War and Peace, Tom Jones, For Women Only, The Rebelution (blog)
Currently watching: Here comes Mr. Jordan
Currently wishing: That I wouldn't talk so much (shoot my mouth off). And that I wasn't so afraid of living on the edge

Rule of Life #1

"When kicked by an Ass, consider the source."

This [Layne]'s a Pain

by Ed, Rebecca, & Michael Emberley
(original name was Jane, but my own was substituted in tonight by my mother)

Though Layne is just an average name,
This Layne is not your average Layne.
I really could at length explain,
But, in short, this Layne’s a pain.

I should be nice and not complain;
Poor little thing, it’s such a shame,
So pink, so young, yet all the same,
I wish she’d just slip down the drain.

Would someone buy this pain called Layne?
She doesn’t scratch, she’s completely tame,
She’s never been left out in the rain.
No fuss, no mess, we’ve got her trained.

“Please, sir, I would like to complain.
This Layne is really much too strange.
She has no hair; she might have mange.
Look! She crawls—I think she’s lame.

“Is there some deal we could arrange?
Any more Laynes in our price range?
Can we return her in exchange
For some nice Layne who’s not a pain?”

Perhaps I’ll take Layne on a plane,
Then on some tiny local train;
I’ll leave her in the baggage claim,
Then quietly come home again.

It’s not her fault,
She’s not to blame.
She has such a tiny brain.
I guess we’ll keep her—
All the same, I can’t forget,
This Layne’s a pain!

Ray Stevens!

Need a little cheering up? Something to laugh about? Give these songs a try. Just a taste of my favorites.

Mississippi Squirrel Revival
Ray Stevens
the music

Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississipp'
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into church
I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven, others thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

Gitarzan
Ray Stevens
the music

He's free as the breeze
He's always at ease
He lives in the jungle and hangs by his knees
As he swings through the trees
With a trapeze in his B.V.D.s
He's got a union card and he's practicing hard
To play, the guitar, gonna be a big star
Yeah, he's gonna go far
And carry moonbeams home in a jar
He ordered Chet's guitar course C.O.D.
Like A and E and he's working on B
Digs W&W and R&B and even the chimpanzees agree
That someday soon he'll be a celebrity
Get it, get it, get it.

I'm My Own Grandpa
Dwight Latham, Moe Jaffe
Sung by Ray Stevens
the music

Oh, many, many years ago
When I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

The Light

I’ve been reading an Islam book that started an interesting conversation with one of the women at work during one of my breaks. Interesting, and yet redundant. Yet another person who grew up in the church and was put off by the hypocrisy, narrow-mindedness, holier-than-thou and judgemental “Christians”. It is unfortunate that we get in the way of people’s view of God. We have a serious responsibility to represent Christ in EVERY part of our lives at every minute of the day. A daunting task in many respects. I’ve been reading 1 John and it talks about this. As I read it I get the chorus of a DC Talk song go through my head:

“I want to be in the light, as You are in the light
I want to shine like the stars in the Heavens
Oh Lord be my light and be my salvation,
all I want is to be in the light!”

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin…. And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments…. Those who obey God’s work truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”
--1 John 1:5-7, 2:3+5+6

I keep catching myself in a 'darkness' attitude. Especially at work. I don't necessarily like working with a few of the people I have to work with, and I find myself working mechanically just so I don't say nasty sarcastic things. But what kind of witness is that? If I am to walk in the light, I need to do more than just refrain from saying or doing harmful things. I need to be proactive. Cheerfully give my all when I work, to the benefit of the customers, my co-workers, and my employers, regardless of whether I like them or not. Because when I do that, I'm not really doing it for them but for God, and His character is reflected. I can't make people change their minds about who God is and what He's like, but I can to the best of my ability copy Jesus' example and maybe one day they'll not see me but see Jesus inside of me. Above all things, this is what I want. To be invisible, letting the Light shine through me unhindered.

The plot for world domination

You HAVE to watch this interview. Click on the link and the interview is on the bottom left-hand corner of the page. Brigitte Gabriel talks about growing up as a Christian in Lebanon and gives an interesting perspective to the conflicts in the middle east. Even if you have absolutely no interest in what's going on there, it impacts your life and everyone needs to be aware or we'll be next. They are already trying to infiltrate Canada, the US, and making great headway in Europe apparently.

If you can devote and hour to watching interior decorating shows or Oprah or a soap opera, you can manage 45 minutes listening to this.

I know I sound pushy and demanding. But really, how many people will really look at this? Huh? I admit I'll be surprised if I find out ONE person followed the link and watched it. Even if it was just for 2 minutes.

Scissors of Low Intelligence: are they a hazard to society?

A pair of low intelligence scissors was lying on the road today. If they had been smart they would have been lying off to the side where they could stab unsuspecting tires and cause the vehicle careening over into on-coming traffic. Instead, they were lying there right in the middle of the lane.

I wonder how smart my scissors are? I should sit down and have a chat with them.

...

You know what? They may be smart, but I've found out there's rivalry between them. See, the brown pair is older and more dull. The white pair is newer, sharper, and more popular with the main population in my house.

If you only have one pair of scissors, or if yours get along fine, someday you should ask them these two simple questions and see how they answer:

1) When lying in wait for unsuspecting tires, do you lie in the middle of the lane, or to one side?

2) When falling from a human's hands, is it better to open up and provide more sharp points to stab the toes below, or keep closed and have your full weight come down on one toe?

I suppose then we should also ask "Are you out to get us?"

A random question I hope someone might attempt to answer

You know how a rattlesnake's teeth curve in so that whatever they start eating they can't spit out again? Well, when one starts eating a rabbit from one end and another starts on the other end and they meet in the middle, what goes through the mind of the snake who fits in the mouth of the other? What's he thinking about on his way down to the other's stomach?

Happy Birthday Grandpa

Here's my Grandpa. He would be turning 80 today.

five values I want to live my life by

Ok. So, I've thought some more on those personal values and have an idea of what's important to me. I suppose the easiest way is just to slap in here what I wrote in my journal. If it appears a little disjointed, just remember I wrote it as I was figuring it out.

Freedom to do what I want when I want where I want without monetary restrictions. Freedom to give to whoever I want. I guess a lot of Freedom to me is also no putting value on things; possessions. You know? For example, if I felt led to live in the dodgy part of town and invite a socially unacceptable person over for supper, I wouldn't want to worry about missing cutlery. To walk down the street and have no restraints on giving your pocket money to the street artist trying to earn enough money to buy his next meal. Maybe written out this doesn't sound like a part of Freedom, but in my mind (where it matters) it is. So:

1. Freedom

Adventure would be another value that is important to me. I don't want to live a dull humdrum life. I don't want to live the life of security and comfort. I want to be comfortable, but not at the price of Adventure. I want to take that leap (or even just that step) of faith, not knowing what will come of it, but knowing it is right; it is the Adventure. So:

2. Adventure

Family is important. Friendship I never put much value on because my Family is my support system. They have shaped who I am. They will always be here, a part of me, a gift from God, and good relationships with them are important to me. But then, in a way Friendship has become more important to me since DTS, so maybe I should put Relationships as my value. I am no social butterfly, but when I think about it, there are a few Friends whose friendship I value. Many people I am neither here nor there with, but there are a few. [here followed those tantilizing names that I will not post] So:

3. Relationships

Life. Human Life. It is a precious and very much undervalued thing in western society. Women abort their babies every day and most people don't seem to think twice about it. They donate their time, their money, and their Q-points at the grocery store to the SPCA and other animal-related societies, and though I agree that it is wrong to exploit nature or be cruel to animals, I think it's highly over-rated. People are suffering. People are dying. We can make a difference in someone's Life, even help save their Life, but it's the animals that everyone feels sorry for. Not the homeless 'bum' in Downtown East Side Vancouver, or the prostitutes the world over who landed their jobs not through their own choice but through the trickery and deceit of people they trusted. Life matters to God, and it matters to me. So:

4. Life

My Relationship With God is the most important value in my life. I want my life to revolve around this. In a way I guess all my other values fall under this one. Living a life in tune with God produces Freedom. It leads to Adventure. It affects your Relationships. It prompts you to look out for the Lives around you, and try to make them better. So:

5. Relationship With God

--end of journal entry--

If I live my life true to my values, I will be happier than if I had a million dollars, lived in the nicest house, and had all the 'things' I ever wanted. May God help me to LIVE!

values

My mom and I were talking for a little bit one evening recently (we talk more than that, but this was a short conversation) and she made some comment about knowing what your personal values are and knowing whether you live with them or against them. Got me thinking. What are my values? What things or ideas do I think are important? How can I know I'm living with them unless I know what they are? So I started writing some down. It's very interesting to see what I actually value and what I just think are good ideas but aren't important to me. I suppose in a way I started subconsciously thinking about it in YWAM, but now I'm trying to articulate it for myself. Do *I* actually believe certain things or put value on them, or am I just thinking a certain way because that's what my parents taught me?

Random thought: cold pancakes, raspberries, and whipped cream are very good on a hot day.

Random picture: I took this picture of the ghosts in Maroc. We were waiting for the cook to arrive at our chosen cafe in Essaouira.

Random thought: my accent says I'm from England, Ireland, and most recently South Africa and New Zealand. Can't I talk like the VIer that I am? I'm CANADIAN, and my parents don't have weird accents. Yet I'm often asked (by locals who I THOUGHT sounded just like me. I grew up here, after all) where I'm from.

A puddle of thinkings from a hot mushy brain

Today is the day I want to be like this girl...cool and refreshed by an icy cold Coca-Cola. I'm hiding out right now, trying to escape the heat. Maybe I should be in the dungeon where it's a little cooler, but the computer is upstairs so here I am.

My brain is preparing for an interesting conglomeration of books and movies...a book on a 'special needs' kid called Sahara Special (thanks, Jash), one on Natalie Wood (actress--dead now), the movie Jaws, Papillon (Steve McQueen), the Magnificent Seven (western), and Wuthering Heights (Laurence Olivier and David Niven). I love the swirl of topics.

Dad's found a radio station that plays old songs. I've surprised myself by recognizing a few. A lot of the stuff sounds like Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra stuff. Maybe I've heard it on movies. hmm...

A Christian lady who comes by my work sometimes gave me an encouragement card today. It says: "For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." -2 Chronicles 16:9 I met her once when she came through my till, and she recognized me after I got moved to the coffee shop. She's made an interesting acquaintance...seems thrilled to find out I'm a Christian. She even invited me to her church. I may go sometime, if I get the time.

Here I get to share one of my favorite paintings by my favorite painter. The picture is called "The Singing Butler" and the artist is a Scot named Jack Vettriano. When I was in Scotland I looked EVERYWHERE to see if anyone had his paintings. I found the first ones in Dundee, and at one of the B&Bs we stayed in in the highlands the placemats had some of his pictures. I love the bold colours he uses. And the ballroom dancing on the beach.

The time before Once Upon a Time

I feel like I'm back in that awkward transition time of life. I've come from one place and I'm headed to the next, but I don't know where it is yet. And that makes the time...hard. And yet, I feel like I've had assurances from God Himself that He has things under control and that it's all gonna turn out ok. So when I remember that, the future seems exciting. Where's He going to take me? What am I going to do? At times I am impatient for the next part to come because I'm SURE it is going to be great, but that impatience causes me to miss out on the current part which also has it's goodness. It's really going to be interesting to look back and see how it all fits together.

I've had parts of Third Day's song "Rise Up" going through my head recently. It says some of what I'm feeling.

Don't let your heart be troubled

This world will never keep you down

It will never keep you down

So rise up, my friend

[Know] this will never be the end

So rise up, my friend

And live again

...But in your weakness you will learn to find

That I will always be your strength

I know I said I might not update much...well, I guess I need to. So, as long as my wrists will let me, I'll keep at it. But if I disappear, no one call the police. The Serial Killer didn't get me, my wrists probably did. Amy, that's for you.

"Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires." --Ps 37:3+4

It's closing in again

How much of life do you just accept and live with, and how much of it do you fight? How long do you ask God for something before you just figure, "hey! I guess it's just not meant to be."?

Aaaagh! I'm going insane! God, give me the strength to last through this one. I know I can't on my own.

Attention! Attention!

The young gentleman wishes to be introduced. This is my little brother Anders. He's the 2006 model, best we could find. Best, in fact, of all the models this year.
















Now that he's introduced, I'll just say I probably won't be updating much for a while. Until things get sorted out and I stop falling apart. However long that takes. I hope it's not another year and a half again.