Creative impulses and the lack of output

I have this great urge to write right now. So I sat down to generally outline a story idea I've had for a while...and discovered that it's a very STUPID story, and I really don't want to write it. But what DO I want to write? I don't know. I want to write something that makes people laugh. And inspires them to create something themselves. A lot of my favorite movies do that. Like "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" and "Flushed Away" and "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." Pretty well anything that has a great character (like Rita) or strong emotion (like Mr. Smith talking himself hoarse in the Senate) or great drama (like the White Witch revealing to Mr. Tumnus that it was Ed who betrayed him for a few pieces of Turkish Delight) inspires this. I guess it's the same with my favorite books too. It's pretty hard to beat Fish...tied to a post in a dark basement, frantically trying to get loose as he watches Rose slowly suffocating; her head covered in a plastic bag*. Or when Marcus Valerian tries to drown himself in the Sea of Galilee but survives and finds hope and life and the two greatest desires of his heart instead.*.

I can't describe the feeling I get every time I watch The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and see Mr. Tumnus looking EXACTLY as I'd always pictured him. Or listening to Focus On The Family's Radio Theatre version of the same story and just KNOW that the voice they chose for Edmund was PERFECT. And when music is perfectly matched to the action in the movie, like the part in the Fellowship of the Ring when Gandalf goes down with the belrog, or Shrek fights his way in the castle to rescue Fiona to the song "Holding Out for a Hero"...something just wells up inside of me and makes me want to create something. I feel like I've been infected by something great and good and bigger than myself, and I want to share it. But I get so frustrated because I can't express what I feel. I can't let it out. I want to write, but when I sit down to do it, nothing comes out. Sometimes I've just pulled my violin out and started to play...but that just floats out the window and nothing lasts. It helps relieve things for the time being, but it's not completely satisfying. One day though, I'll discover what it is I have to infect the world with, and it'll be good. And I'll create this urge in someone else.

*The above alluded-to books are "The Shadow of the Bear" by Regina Doman and "An Echo in the Darkness" by Francine Rivers.

Relax. Anything can happen!

You know those books that are about one topic, but what they have to say can actually be applied to a lot of things? Well, I'm reading one. It's had a lot to say, but two things that have really stuck out to me are "Nothing is certain. Anything can happen." and "You don't have to know what's going to happen next to be successful."

Relax.

I really haven't a clue what's going to happen...and I always thought I accepted the fact and could go with the flow. But because so many of my posts have been about this topic or wanted to be about it, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not so good at going with the flow. Or rather, just relaxing and not worrying about where things are going. I guess I still think I'm reasonably good at going with the flow, I just worry about it at the same time.

Another point the book I'm reading has made is that every moment is unique. It's never been this moment before. And it will never be this moment again because each moment is determined by the ones that came before. So anything can happen. A lot has.

One day I want to write a book like this. A book about one thing but really is just about life. Look for it...Coming in 10 years to a bookstore near YOU!

Thankfuls

Yet again I really don't have anything to say, but I feel like posting anyway. It's 1:30 am, I'm up staring at computer screens, listening to Natalie McMaster and thinking about how perfectly happy and content I am right now. It's a strange feeling, considering the circumstances, but very pleasant. I had a talk with my dad yesterday, and chatted with Stefan tonight, and both of them said things I needed to hear. Mostly reminders, which is good. I don't have to have my life figured out...it'll all come right in God's timing. I just have to obey His commands. Funny thing though, I kept saying all the same stuff to Hillary this weekend and apparently promptly forgot it.

Life really is good though. Who cares that talking to a customer put me behind at work, or that I don't know how to explain what I believe about ghosts, or that I can make a good mocha? None of it really counts, and it shouldn't affect the quality of my life. I'm happy because I'm alive, God is good, and the sun is making a regular appearance. When I lay down with my 3 yo sister Gaelyn at bedtime and ask her if she wants to pray, she always says "How about we do thankfuls?" Three thankfuls for her, three for me. "I'm thankful for that Chelle-boy make the cake. I'm thankful for that we planted flowers. I'm thankful for that Danaka being nice to me." You know what? I think that's what life's really about. The thankfuls. Here are some of mine:
1. SUNSHINE!
2. Celtic music and violins
3. the colour green
4. different accents
5. grace
6. the unconditional love of God.
7. the music on the Pirates of the Caribbean
8. Third Day's album "Wherever You Are"

I wish I could share this feeling with you...I wish it would stay with me. I guess that's why we need to live our lives despite our feelings.

The Sun is shining! Spring is finally here!

It's been a long time, I see. I have lots of excuses, but the only really legit one is that for the last month or whatever I have been unable to access the Blogger site due to a program on our computers. That is now remedied, and I'm back with nothing to say.

Except that the sun is shining and I really shouldn't be on the computer right now but out enjoying it. I'm not going to get much of a chance to enjoy it for the next while. So, that's where I'm headed right now. Take luck and care.