Thursday, August 10, 2006

Scissors of Low Intelligence: are they a hazard to society?

A pair of low intelligence scissors was lying on the road today. If they had been smart they would have been lying off to the side where they could stab unsuspecting tires and cause the vehicle careening over into on-coming traffic. Instead, they were lying there right in the middle of the lane.
I wonder how smart my scissors are? I should sit down and have a chat with them.
You know what? They may be smart, but I've found out there's rivalry between them. See, the brown pair is older and more dull. The white pair is newer, sharper, and more popular with the main population in my house.
If you only have one pair of scissors, or if yours get along fine, someday you should ask them these two simple questions and see how they answer:
1) When lying in wait for unsuspecting tires, do you lie in the middle of the lane, or to one side?
2) When falling from a human's hands, is it better to open up and provide more sharp points to stab the toes below, or keep closed and have your full weight come down on one toe?
I suppose then we should also ask "Are you out to get us?"

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