Sunday, November 26, 2006

...happy birthday.

I think I've learned a lot this past year about life. A constantly recurring theme is "people need someone to listen to them." I've seen it in my friends in DTS who wouldn't seem to let me get a word in the conversation unless I raised my hand (I can be very quiet at times)[Edit: I'm really not trying to make anyone feel bad. It only happened in group settings, not one-on-one talks.], the people I met on the street who had life-stories they wanted to share, my co-workers, and the counceling course I took at the Crisis Pregnancy Center. I'm a person and I need to be heard, but when I talk I've begun to take more notice of the things my listener does that make me either feel heard or ignored. I'm trying to learn how to be a better listener so that even if I don't have someone to listen to me, I can still provide it for others.

Another thing I've experienced is that while religions mean something, denominations do not. Whether someone is Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, Anglican, Catholic, or whatever, it doesn't matter. If they are a Christian then we both share basic common beliefs. The differences don't matter. They have some things right that I don't have, and the other way around, and it's not worth fighting about.

I've met a few Christian customers at work. Most of them I haven't been able to talk to much, but from the first moment of finding out we're both Christians there's a connection. And for a moment I don't feel so...adrift. It's like being lost in a huge crowd and suddenly seeing a familiar face.

I've had a pretty sheltered life. Practically everyone I've associated with has been a Christian. There's always been that connection. You say things and they know what you're talking about (or at least have some sort of idea) because you both speak christianese...things can be unsaid because you both know what's behind what you say. And even the way I've worded this paragraph...Some people are going to know what some of these things are that I'm talking about, and some won't have a clue. Another example would maybe be my plan to move to Vancouver. I tend to simplify it because not everyone gets the idea of "feeling it's where the Lord wants you." Huh? What's God got to do with it? But that's why the face doesn't have to BE familiar to FEEL familiar.

I've learned that I am capable of more than I realize. I have more to offer people than I realize. And all this 'more' is because Jesus dwells in me and works through me. So it's not really me but Him. He can do big things through me. I don't ever have to do things alone in my own weak strength.

I've learned that what you do with tragedies and bad times prepares you to help someone else through their own hard times.

I've learned that attitude problems are hard to deal with because they're slippery and don't like getting stuck in corners where you can lay your hands on them. I'm still trying to pin them down to figure out what's wrong with me.

You can't change other people. You can only change your reaction.

This next year I hope to gain a better understanding of who I am and what I have to offer the world, because Myself and I are just accquaintances. I keep surprising myself with my contradicting personality. I don't make a lot of sense. Do I have a split personality?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

snow and last days

It SNOWED today and I want to hold JM and HRMFRH responsible like I did last year, but I guess that doesn't work. Unless prayers are going up from Ohio and Vancouver for snow on the Island...which would just be mean. =P
It's NOVEMBER! NOT the month for snow. Rain, yes. Snow, no.
Last day...yikes! Look out Coming Year!
PS. Timon, if you stumble across this, I wish you a happy birthday. --Your Mortal

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy thanksgiving to all my American friends. If you're one of my friends and you're American, be assured I have been thinking about you today.
BTW, this picture is of the McCrae memorial at Eileen Donan Castle in Scotland. It lists the McCraes who died in WWI and on the bottom it says:
We are the dead, short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunsets glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The view from here

I still don’t have anything concrete yet, but things feel like maybe they’re slipping a little closer to where they should be. Maybe it’s just the realization I came to the other day. It came as quite the shock actually. I realized that I want to live in Vancouver and be involved in some sort of street ministry. I still don’t know what it will be, but the realization is that this is something that I WANT. You know, it’s been a very long time since I set my heart on something. So long that I can’t even remember when the last time was or what it was. I guess I always figured that setting your heart on anything was a sure way to be disappointed. Better to just go with the flow and make something out of whatever comes my way. It’s the reason why I’ve felt so lost since ‘graduating’. Everyone else always seemed to have something they were working towards…”I’m going to be a doctor” “I’m taking courses for nursing”…you get it. Me? I don’t want to do any of that stuff. I know what I want to do with my life, but it’s kind of not pursuable at the moment, so what do I do to fill in the time? I don’t want to collect a lot of debt on education I’m not going to use. I don’t want a career as the world sees it. But now I feel like I know what I want, I’ve let myself want it, it doesn’t seem to conflict with my long-term desire…It feels like a great leap ahead just because it’s something I WANT and not something that’s drifted by me. And more is coming. I’m starting to get an idea of how my life might look in the somewhat near future. Possibilities of things to pursue...things I never really considered before.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Today's random thought

I was thinking today that considering Jesus was Jewish, not Christian, a lot of Christians (myself most definately included) probably don't understand what Christianity is really based on. I know I spend a lot of time reading the New Testament, but I don't really understand the Old. I don't understand the culture, the practices, the significance of the different feasts and festivals and sacrifices, the rituals...a lot of which God put into place for the Jews. I think I really need to check this stuff out. Yes, Jesus came to fulfill the law and it doesn't bind us anymore and all that stuff, but it's still our foundation.

X marks the spot

Sheesh, it's started already. Next thing you know he'll be dying it blue! Actually, it's rather cute...for now. My little brother just got his hair cut and specifically asked for an X on his head. So he has one. Rauchelle left an X of longer hair. At least he won't have horns sticking out any more.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


You pull an elastic band and marvel at how far it goes. SNAP! Fingers sting from the force.
Today was such a great day. Why did it have to snap back at me? Once again I just want to lash out at something...anything. To loose control just once and relieve the tension. Enjoy a big smash. This is getting to be way too common of an occurance.

"I am ready for the storm..." or not.

Keep in mind this is Vancouver Island. We don't get hurricanes, tsunamis, tornados, volcanos, or other things like that. Yes, we get big waves at times, and strong winds, and lots of rain. But the only things that blow down are trees and random toolsheds and stuff like that. My aunt and uncle's ROOF blew off and practically all their stuff got damaged in the torrential rain yesterday! The roof just lifted off and landed in their back yard. Yesterday was just plain WEIRD! Fortunately no one was hurt at all (beyond aches and pains caused by long exposure to the rain and cold).

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

work, psychology and day

What a weird day! On the way to work we found part of the road was flooded. Then as we approached the parking lot to the store we got re-routed to the back, so decided to park in the underground parking. An older gent met us down there and said that the power was out and the store was closing! So I ran in to see what was up (and desperately hoping it was closed for the whole day so I could go home) and was told that the store was on back-up generators but we should have power in a few hours, though it wasn't garaunteed...In other words I had to stay. Power was out for four hours and we got all the closing stuff done...everything got cleaned, food put away...and then the power came back on. Darn. So later tonight I had to do it all over again.
I told a lady at work about the volcano in my dream. She said it must be the way my subconcious translated the earthquake that hit...Japan was it? And there was a tsunami warning on the westcoast! Eight-foot wave expected. I heard later the warning was called off. What excitement though!
Side note: In general, I love my job! I just met yet another Christian in that non-denominational way where you can enjoy the family relationship without the squabbles over churches. A coffee shop is a neutral place to meet 'family'.

Surf's up!

I dreamed last night that I saw a new volcano erupt...and I was watching it with my 'new family'. Very bizarre dream, actually. Apparently one of my parents had recently gotten married (I don't know which one) to someone who had a million kids (slight exageration here, but that's probably what it would feel like if someone with 8 kids married someone else with as many or more). Two of my new sisters are girls I met at work (one of whom I don't really like). Anyway, so I and a few of my new siblings happened to see this excavation site turn into a volcano. Two of us ran away, trying to escape, while the rest went in for a closer look. I don't know what happened to them because I woke up about about 6:00 in the morning. I lay there thinking about my dream when suddenly I thought I was dreaming again. That wasn't a searchlight shining for a brief moment in my room, was it? Thunder is a dead give-away.
So, now it's 9:30 am, the light show is done, but the waves are huge for this side of my island. I suspect the computor will be shut off all day because of the high winds, and lots of people will probably loose their power. Toveli was worried because she thought this storm was also down in Belize...she calmed down when we told her it wasn't and mom and dad are ok.
Yesterday I was working in the coffee shop (no more cashiering! YAY!) and a young lady came upstairs. She was the only customer there at that particular moment. She stood for a moment gazing up at the coffee menu.
"Can I get you anything?"
She stood a moment longer. *sigh* "I don't have the time for one" and she headed back down the stairs.
Most people will decide they don't have time for a coffee BEFORE they come up.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I pulled a fish's eyeball out with my bare hands once...

Pardon my trite exclamation, but today is a BEAUTIFUL day! The sun is finally shining, and the ocean is so dark...quite the contrast between it and all the fishing boats out there. There's at least 30 boats out, at the moment. Is it herring season? I should know by now...yeah, I think it is...eggs in the spring, fish in the fall...gotta be...but there doesn't appear to be much for gulls. I heard the sealions out there this morning though. And the swans will be here soon! The ocean gets busy at this time of year. All we're missing are a pod of orcas...and all the fishermen chase me with axes and saws in protest.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I'm a loudmouth.

Edit: (and obnoxious...I'm an obnoxious loudmouth! Boy, the discoveries I make sometimes...)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Jinkens Up!

Tonight we played "Jinkens Up". And can I say just how awesome my team was? Danaka, Maret, and Farmore (Grandma Johnson) are the best team mates EVER! We had the others fooled practically the whole game.
For the un-initiated, the gist of the game is that all the players (6 or more) are split into two teams. Each team has a captain. The captain of the starting team takes a dime (or penny or small coin like that) and either keeps it themselves or gives it to a team member. Whoever gets the coin must hide it in their hand (usually squeezed between thumb and forefinger). Everyone makes a fist with their hands, and the captain from the opposite team says "Jinkens Up!" Every fist in the team with the coin must be raised for inspection by the opposing team. When they are satisfied its "Jinkens Down" and the fists must be placed on the table. More inspection by the other team to see if they can spot the coin or notice suspicious behaviour, then "Jinkens on the Table". If the coin is loose, it falls out of your hand and the other team of course knows who has the coin. If it doesn't fall, they get 2 tries to find the correct hand hiding the coin (more tries if there's lots of players).
Get everyone in the right mood, and this game can get pretty hillarious! Oh, the stupidity that comes out of a few rounds of a simple game...good times.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


A couple of ladies came through my till tonight and were reading the headlines of the gossip magazines. One said that Laura Bush was filing for divorce. The grocery boy who was bagging groceries for me made some derogatory comment about President Bush, and it got me thinking, yet againg, about how we talk about our government. Has anyone noticed, or is it just me, that nobody seems to have ANYTHING good to say about anyone in government? Whether George Bush, Stephen Harper, or anyone else. It seems to me that a person can be considered a great guy, but AS SOON as he is elected, he's a "jerk", a "crook", and other things I'd rather not mention. I admit I don't follow politics as much as I should, and I don't know all that is going on, but can't anyone cut these guys a little slack? They are human and mess up just like the rest of us, but they get some things right too. How well would most of us do as prime minister or president for a week? I think that both these guys are trying their hardest to do what they think is best for their countries. I also think that if we are too quick to tear our government apart instead of trying to support them, we will get to the point where it's only the power-hungry who don't care what people think who will be running for office.

Hopeful Customer

The gentleman stood there, looking down at the keypad, waiting for his debit transaction to go through. With a straight face and serious voice, he read "Please wait while the cashier gets a coffee and doughnut of your choice for your pleasure." He looked up hopefully...
The nasty cashier that I am, I smiled and shook my head. Sorry.

Rule of Life #4

The elevator moves faster if you actually press the button.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


As one person asked me yesterday, "How many fires can one small town take?" I don't know. Have we recovered from the second one yet? How long will it take us to recover from yesterday's? Let's see...
I wish I could have seen it though. I've missed them all. Arrived in town 2 weeks after the first and most spectacular one. I've been told the day the grocery store burned down (I currently work in the new one, and let me tell you, they are paranoid of fires now!) the whole town cried!
On another note, Rauchelle informs me that Mom and Dad saw a crocodile yesterday from their hotel room...or wherever they were staying. It disappeared into the bush before Dad could get down there to take it's picture, and he wasn't too keen on hunting it up in there. And with Amy riding elephants in Thailand...I think FINALLY the travel bug is biting me. Maybe I'll go rope me a grizzly so I don't feel left out. =D
I'm reading Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L'Amour at the moment. Very interesting book...right down my alley. Even some of you non-L'Amour fans or out-right anti-L'Amour people should read it. It is NOT a western...nor is it even a work of fiction. It's a memior. About how education is NOT restricted to the schoolroom, and that sometimes school is the restriction. I promise, on my honour, not to rant here. I'll just state that my personal opinion is that school is highly over-rated, though not totally without use. But back to the book...he talks about his travels, the people he met and what he learned from them, how he got interested in certain things (like boxing), the books he read and how he came across them and how they changed him, the jobs he held...a little random and rambling, and so far wholey to my taste.
hmmm...I'm never quite sure how honest to be on much to say and left unsaid...what things are worth saying...what things just make everthing worse. Thus the vagueness of the lies and the wall (which are connected btw. The lies are the foundation of the wall). But I want to appologize to any and all of my friends who have at any time been hurt by my skeptical view of the nice things you've done for me or said to me (and especially to the person who threatens to hit me with their shoe...I'm not scared of it, but I'm sorry), or felt pushed away with no idea why. I can't say why I do it...I don't want to, and I don't know why it happens but it does. I love you all...and I want you to know, though I'm not sure how many friends actually READ this stuff. Anyway, I'm trying to work through it all...have patience? =S I'm an over-dramatic emotional mess right now. So I'll quit talking right'll only get worse.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Attack of the appliance box (aka 'randomness')

So, nothing spectacular happened today. Nothing great popped into my head. Nothing I read stood out to me. Most of today at work I was frustrated for some reason...I felt like I COULD pick a fight or lay into someone...didn't though. And I got attacked by a CuisinArt cookware box in the back...have a nice cut on my chin to show for the tussel. Yes, it fell from above and landed on my face! And yet, despite all that, today really doesn't feel like it was THAT bad. Maybe it's because I remind myself that I'm not the one who attended a funeral today, or found out that someone they loved died a few days ago. There were definately several people at work who had more reason than I to have a bad day.

And I get the next two days off!!! Life is pretty good after all.

BTW, I made these REALLY good cookies yesterday...can't get a whole lot more chocolate-y than these. They didn't turn out quite right for me (supposed to melt in your mouth), but they were still good, and when they turn out right they are AWESOME! Check out the recipe