by Ed, Rebecca, & Michael Emberley
(original name was Jane, but my own was substituted in tonight by my mother)
Though Layne is just an average name,
This Layne is not your average Layne.
I really could at length explain,
But, in short, this Layne’s a pain.
I should be nice and not complain;
Poor little thing, it’s such a shame,
So pink, so young, yet all the same,
I wish she’d just slip down the drain.
Would someone buy this pain called Layne?
She doesn’t scratch, she’s completely tame,
She’s never been left out in the rain.
No fuss, no mess, we’ve got her trained.
“Please, sir, I would like to complain.
This Layne is really much too strange.
She has no hair; she might have mange.
Look! She crawls—I think she’s lame.
“Is there some deal we could arrange?
Any more Laynes in our price range?
Can we return her in exchange
For some nice Layne who’s not a pain?”
Perhaps I’ll take Layne on a plane,
Then on some tiny local train;
I’ll leave her in the baggage claim,
Then quietly come home again.
It’s not her fault,
She’s not to blame.
She has such a tiny brain.
I guess we’ll keep her—
All the same, I can’t forget,
This Layne’s a pain!