Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The view from here

I still don’t have anything concrete yet, but things feel like maybe they’re slipping a little closer to where they should be. Maybe it’s just the realization I came to the other day. It came as quite the shock actually. I realized that I want to live in Vancouver and be involved in some sort of street ministry. I still don’t know what it will be, but the realization is that this is something that I WANT. You know, it’s been a very long time since I set my heart on something. So long that I can’t even remember when the last time was or what it was. I guess I always figured that setting your heart on anything was a sure way to be disappointed. Better to just go with the flow and make something out of whatever comes my way. It’s the reason why I’ve felt so lost since ‘graduating’. Everyone else always seemed to have something they were working towards…”I’m going to be a doctor” “I’m taking courses for nursing”…you get it. Me? I don’t want to do any of that stuff. I know what I want to do with my life, but it’s kind of not pursuable at the moment, so what do I do to fill in the time? I don’t want to collect a lot of debt on education I’m not going to use. I don’t want a career as the world sees it. But now I feel like I know what I want, I’ve let myself want it, it doesn’t seem to conflict with my long-term desire…It feels like a great leap ahead just because it’s something I WANT and not something that’s drifted by me. And more is coming. I’m starting to get an idea of how my life might look in the somewhat near future. Possibilities of things to pursue...things I never really considered before.

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