goodbye

This blog no longer serves any real purpose, and is running a great risk of doing harm instead of any kind of good or harmlessness. If that makes any sense. So, adios to any and all who read this stuff. Thanks for your attention, but it is better to turn it somewhere else.

Adios!

Here's to favorite customers who leave us to hide out in the deepest darkest corners of South Africa for 5 years of University. Thank goodness you're only one!

What's your denomination?

I just took an interesting online test to see what denomination best fits my beliefs. Here are the results:

1. (100%) Congregational/United Church of Christ
2. (96%) Baptist (Reformed/Particular/Calvinistic)
3. (89%) Presbyterian/Reformed
4. (86%) Eastern Orthodox
5. (82%) Methodist/Wesleyan/Nazarene
6. (79%) Anabaptist (Mennonite/Quaker etc.)
7. (79%) Baptist (non-Calvinistic)/Plymouth Brethren/Fundamentalist
8. (79%) Pentecostal.Charismatic/Assemblies of God
9. (75%) Anglican/Episcopal/Church of England
10. (75%) Lutheran
11. (68%) Seventh-Day Adventist
12. (62%) Church of Christ/Campbellite
13. (62%) Roman Catholic

Very interesting to see the results. For the first 9 or so years of my life my family attended Pentecostal Churches (we moved alot, hence the "es" on Church). Then we attended a Fellowship Baptist for...6 years I think. A little more moving and we checked out a few more churches (ie. a Four Square Church and a Mennonite Brethren, among others), but for the past 4 years or so we haven't attended church anywhere. So, with that as my background, I found these results rather interesting. And really, I no longer care what denomination a person attends, especially as I couldn't really say what my own is.

Creative impulses and the lack of output

I have this great urge to write right now. So I sat down to generally outline a story idea I've had for a while...and discovered that it's a very STUPID story, and I really don't want to write it. But what DO I want to write? I don't know. I want to write something that makes people laugh. And inspires them to create something themselves. A lot of my favorite movies do that. Like "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" and "Flushed Away" and "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe." Pretty well anything that has a great character (like Rita) or strong emotion (like Mr. Smith talking himself hoarse in the Senate) or great drama (like the White Witch revealing to Mr. Tumnus that it was Ed who betrayed him for a few pieces of Turkish Delight) inspires this. I guess it's the same with my favorite books too. It's pretty hard to beat Fish...tied to a post in a dark basement, frantically trying to get loose as he watches Rose slowly suffocating; her head covered in a plastic bag*. Or when Marcus Valerian tries to drown himself in the Sea of Galilee but survives and finds hope and life and the two greatest desires of his heart instead.*.

I can't describe the feeling I get every time I watch The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and see Mr. Tumnus looking EXACTLY as I'd always pictured him. Or listening to Focus On The Family's Radio Theatre version of the same story and just KNOW that the voice they chose for Edmund was PERFECT. And when music is perfectly matched to the action in the movie, like the part in the Fellowship of the Ring when Gandalf goes down with the belrog, or Shrek fights his way in the castle to rescue Fiona to the song "Holding Out for a Hero"...something just wells up inside of me and makes me want to create something. I feel like I've been infected by something great and good and bigger than myself, and I want to share it. But I get so frustrated because I can't express what I feel. I can't let it out. I want to write, but when I sit down to do it, nothing comes out. Sometimes I've just pulled my violin out and started to play...but that just floats out the window and nothing lasts. It helps relieve things for the time being, but it's not completely satisfying. One day though, I'll discover what it is I have to infect the world with, and it'll be good. And I'll create this urge in someone else.

*The above alluded-to books are "The Shadow of the Bear" by Regina Doman and "An Echo in the Darkness" by Francine Rivers.

Thankfuls

Yet again I really don't have anything to say, but I feel like posting anyway. It's 1:30 am, I'm up staring at computer screens, listening to Natalie McMaster and thinking about how perfectly happy and content I am right now. It's a strange feeling, considering the circumstances, but very pleasant. I had a talk with my dad yesterday, and chatted with Stefan tonight, and both of them said things I needed to hear. Mostly reminders, which is good. I don't have to have my life figured out...it'll all come right in God's timing. I just have to obey His commands. Funny thing though, I kept saying all the same stuff to Hillary this weekend and apparently promptly forgot it.

Life really is good though. Who cares that talking to a customer put me behind at work, or that I don't know how to explain what I believe about ghosts, or that I can make a good mocha? None of it really counts, and it shouldn't affect the quality of my life. I'm happy because I'm alive, God is good, and the sun is making a regular appearance. When I lay down with my 3 yo sister Gaelyn at bedtime and ask her if she wants to pray, she always says "How about we do thankfuls?" Three thankfuls for her, three for me. "I'm thankful for that Chelle-boy make the cake. I'm thankful for that we planted flowers. I'm thankful for that Danaka being nice to me." You know what? I think that's what life's really about. The thankfuls. Here are some of mine:
1. SUNSHINE!
2. Celtic music and violins
3. the colour green
4. different accents
5. grace
6. the unconditional love of God.
7. the music on the Pirates of the Caribbean
8. Third Day's album "Wherever You Are"

I wish I could share this feeling with you...I wish it would stay with me. I guess that's why we need to live our lives despite our feelings.

The Sun is shining! Spring is finally here!

It's been a long time, I see. I have lots of excuses, but the only really legit one is that for the last month or whatever I have been unable to access the Blogger site due to a program on our computers. That is now remedied, and I'm back with nothing to say.

Except that the sun is shining and I really shouldn't be on the computer right now but out enjoying it. I'm not going to get much of a chance to enjoy it for the next while. So, that's where I'm headed right now. Take luck and care.

introspection at easter

I've taken this test 4 times now...I like to do the same one on different days to see if the results change. 3 times I was a concerned creator, so that must mean that's what I am, huh? Anyway, a personality test fits with my train of thought for the last few weeks. I've been asking a lot of self-analyzing questions recently. Lots of questions...not many answers yet. I can't be the only person who finds they can't think in complete sentences, can I?

Well anyway, happy easter! God bless you all.

The details here.

Big Post: Big Numbers

For some things, 100 is a big number. For this, my One Hundreth Post, I'd like to share another very large number I came across the other day. It's one hundred million billion billion billion billion billion. It looks like this:
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
(or so I've been told...he said it was a 10 with 53 zeros after it)

Daddy's Little Girl

Layne Johnson, February 2007

“I was daddy's little girl. A much-wanted only child. I remember weekends with my parents at the zoo. Daddy would swing me up on his shoulders so I could see the lions. We would imitate the monkeys, Daddy sometimes holding his arms out so I could hang from them and pretend I was swinging from branch to branch. After a while we'd always get thirsty, so off we'd go to search out an ice cream sandwich and a bottle of Coke. Mom never approved of that. She was all for packing tuna sandwiches and bottled water to bring with us. But Daddy always said “Tuna sandwiches and water don't go with the zoo, Mary.”

I went to the best schools my parents could afford. I wore trendy clothes, was popular, and I was a good kid. When I was in high school I began dating this really cute guy. He was fun, daring, and utterly charming...and wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I had my life all planned out; how I was going to school to be a designer, I would move to New York to start my business, and one day I'd be famous. Joel didn't really fit in the plan, but that was okay. We were still in high school and it was enough to have fun for now.

Near the end of my grade 12 year my dad died in a hit-and-run incident. The police never found who did it. Amazingly I managed to graduate, but without my dad nothing seemed to matter. I remember sitting at the kitchen table one Sunday morning watching Mom frying pancakes, and we were talking about the future. Most of my parents' savings had been used for Dad's funeral, and he didn't have life insurance. Mom had gotten a job at a drugstore but it didn't pay very well. Not even enough to cover mortgage payments. We had to sell the house and move to a smaller one in a more affordable neighbourhood. All of a sudden college, fashion designing, and New York seemed unattainable. And at this point I wasn't even sure if that was what I really wanted.

I got a day job at a dollar store and an afternoon one at a coffee shop that hosted live musicians on Friday nights. Joel landed a few gigs there. After graduation we'd kind of broken up, but he was often around anyway. He offered his help to Mom and I if ever we were to need it, and told me that our changed circumstances didn't matter to him at all. One day he wrote a song for me...and another, and another. A month later he asked me to move in with him. He said he loved me, wanted to take care of me, and wanted to help me fulfill my dreams. I said sure. Life was almost bliss for about six months. And then reality set in. Joel's career refused to take off. We had no money. My dreams were drifting farther and farther away, with no glimmer of hope that I could ever reach them. And then the dreadful discovery that I was pregnant.

Because of our financial situation, Joel insisted I have an abortion. “We can't afford a baby. We can't provide a good life for one at this point,” he said. So on a wet Tuesday afternoon I did. I was depressed for months after that. Joel was patient with me for a while, but finally one day he told me to go visit my mom for the afternoon. I didn't want to go, but he called a cab for me and sent me off anyway. I hadn't seen my mom for months...I wouldn't return her calls. I didn't want to talk to her. How could I tell her what I'd done? I couldn't do that. So that afternoon we just talked about surface things. I only stayed an hour and then went back home. But home wasn't there anymore. The door was locked. I heard music from inside. I pounded on the door. Joel opened it a crack and peeked out. “Let me in, Joel! It's raining.” He slipped an envelope out and closed the door. The lock clicked. “What is this? Let me in!” I yelled and pounded the door again. He turned up the volume so he could no longer hear me. I pounded and yelled till the neighbours threatened to call the police on me. So I picked up the envelope and left.

I walked for a while in the rain, and finally stopped under a shop overhang to open the letter. The letter inside was wet and the ink ran, so most of it was illegible. What I could decipher basically said that he could no longer handle my depression, I was holding him back, and he didn't want to see me again. Ever. I spent the night out in the street.”

The next night the police reported a Jane Doe found behind a dumpster: an apparent suicide.

I was once like you.

This is not a true story, but it has come about through reflection on several conversations I had with people I met in Downtown Vancouver, and a poem a friend wrote recently. Thank you for reading.

DON'T turn it on if you can't turn it off!

So, over the intercom I hear "Attention all shoppers: We are going to be testing our fire alarm system in a few minutes. There will be three short alarms. Again, this is a test."


Five minutes later ear-splitting alarms go off...and don't stop...for the next TEN MINUTES! Finally they get shut off and we all take the napkins out of our ears and say "I sure hope that was all three combined! They'd better not be doing that again!"


The manager comes out and laughs about how someone set the alarm off but couldn't figure out how to turn it off...and it'll be going off two more times. "But just short ones this time. Really."


Oh yeah.


Five minutes later the second alarm is finally off. Faster than the one before, but they still don't have the hang of it. Last one was about 5 seconds long. FINALLY a short one. My ears were ringing for the next fifteen minutes though.




Our manager runs around with a million things in his head...really, he does a pretty good job. Still, I was wondering what he'd say if I were to ask for yesterday off...how long would he think about it before giving me an answer? I'll have to try sometime.

Number 9.

Kid no. 9 should be arriving in June or July. Yay!

would you...?

Would you build a coffin for a friend? If they asked you to?

Stupid winter.

I hate snow.

The Taming of the Shrew

I found the most hillarious version of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew at the library the other day. It's a stage production on film done by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation...sooooooooooo funny! My sister and I have been laughing our heads off tonight. Some brilliant acting, in my opinion.

Incase you didn't know...and some people don't...I LOVE Shakespeare's comedies. And this is one of my absolute favorites.

snow and last days

It SNOWED today and I want to hold JM and HRMFRH responsible like I did last year, but I guess that doesn't work. Unless prayers are going up from Ohio and Vancouver for snow on the Island...which would just be mean. =P

It's NOVEMBER! NOT the month for snow. Rain, yes. Snow, no.

Last day...yikes! Look out Coming Year!

PS. Timon, if you stumble across this, I wish you a happy birthday. --Your Mortal

Today's random thought

I was thinking today that considering Jesus was Jewish, not Christian, a lot of Christians (myself most definately included) probably don't understand what Christianity is really based on. I know I spend a lot of time reading the New Testament, but I don't really understand the Old. I don't understand the culture, the practices, the significance of the different feasts and festivals and sacrifices, the rituals...a lot of which God put into place for the Jews. I think I really need to check this stuff out. Yes, Jesus came to fulfill the law and it doesn't bind us anymore and all that stuff, but it's still our foundation.

"I am ready for the storm..." or not.

Keep in mind this is Vancouver Island. We don't get hurricanes, tsunamis, tornados, volcanos, or other things like that. Yes, we get big waves at times, and strong winds, and lots of rain. But the only things that blow down are trees and random toolsheds and stuff like that. My aunt and uncle's ROOF blew off and practically all their stuff got damaged in the torrential rain yesterday! The roof just lifted off and landed in their back yard. Yesterday was just plain WEIRD! Fortunately no one was hurt at all (beyond aches and pains caused by long exposure to the rain and cold).

work, psychology and family...my day

What a weird day! On the way to work we found part of the road was flooded. Then as we approached the parking lot to the store we got re-routed to the back, so decided to park in the underground parking. An older gent met us down there and said that the power was out and the store was closing! So I ran in to see what was up (and desperately hoping it was closed for the whole day so I could go home) and was told that the store was on back-up generators but we should have power in a few hours, though it wasn't garaunteed...In other words I had to stay. Power was out for four hours and we got all the closing stuff done...everything got cleaned, food put away...and then the power came back on. Darn. So later tonight I had to do it all over again.

I told a lady at work about the volcano in my dream. She said it must be the way my subconcious translated the earthquake that hit...Japan was it? And there was a tsunami warning on the westcoast! Eight-foot wave expected. I heard later the warning was called off. What excitement though!

Side note: In general, I love my job! I just met yet another Christian in that non-denominational way where you can enjoy the family relationship without the squabbles over churches. A coffee shop is a neutral place to meet 'family'.

politics

A couple of ladies came through my till tonight and were reading the headlines of the gossip magazines. One said that Laura Bush was filing for divorce. The grocery boy who was bagging groceries for me made some derogatory comment about President Bush, and it got me thinking, yet againg, about how we talk about our government. Has anyone noticed, or is it just me, that nobody seems to have ANYTHING good to say about anyone in government? Whether George Bush, Stephen Harper, or anyone else. It seems to me that a person can be considered a great guy, but AS SOON as he is elected, he's a "jerk", a "crook", and other things I'd rather not mention. I admit I don't follow politics as much as I should, and I don't know all that is going on, but can't anyone cut these guys a little slack? They are human and mess up just like the rest of us, but they get some things right too. How well would most of us do as prime minister or president for a week? I think that both these guys are trying their hardest to do what they think is best for their countries. I also think that if we are too quick to tear our government apart instead of trying to support them, we will get to the point where it's only the power-hungry who don't care what people think who will be running for office.

Attack of the appliance box (aka 'randomness')

So, nothing spectacular happened today. Nothing great popped into my head. Nothing I read stood out to me. Most of today at work I was frustrated for some reason...I felt like I COULD pick a fight or lay into someone...didn't though. And I got attacked by a CuisinArt cookware box in the back...have a nice cut on my chin to show for the tussel. Yes, it fell from above and landed on my face! And yet, despite all that, today really doesn't feel like it was THAT bad. Maybe it's because I remind myself that I'm not the one who attended a funeral today, or found out that someone they loved died a few days ago. There were definately several people at work who had more reason than I to have a bad day.

And I get the next two days off!!! Life is pretty good after all.

BTW, I made these REALLY good cookies yesterday...can't get a whole lot more chocolate-y than these. They didn't turn out quite right for me (supposed to melt in your mouth), but they were still good, and when they turn out right they are AWESOME! Check out the recipe here.