Word Play

"I ran into Jordan yesterday."


"Oh? How's he doing?"


"He's in the hospital getting his arm x-rayed and his head stitched up."


"WHAT HAPPENED?"


"I ran into him."

Newsflash: Baby Brother Carried Off by Rogue Eagles!

So, a few months ago I was telling a girl at work about my family. Then I got talking about my cat, Charlie Chaplin. I was telling her about how we moved into a particular house and shortly after had to move out because it was flooded, and no one was around the house much, and I didn't think Charlie had really settled in and One Day we discovered that no one had seen him for a while. Haley looked so concerned at this point in the story, and knowing that she likes animals, I figured she was worried about where the story was going. So of course the...morbid side of me perhaps?...went on to tell her that we've never seen him since, and always just figured he was dead...maybe an eagle carried him off or a car hit him.

Haley stared at me with HUGE expressive eyes. "You have NO IDEA how your brother died?"

Hopeful Customer

The gentleman stood there, looking down at the keypad, waiting for his debit transaction to go through. With a straight face and serious voice, he read "Please wait while the cashier gets a coffee and doughnut of your choice for your pleasure." He looked up hopefully...

The nasty cashier that I am, I smiled and shook my head. Sorry.

Scissors of Low Intelligence: are they a hazard to society?

A pair of low intelligence scissors was lying on the road today. If they had been smart they would have been lying off to the side where they could stab unsuspecting tires and cause the vehicle careening over into on-coming traffic. Instead, they were lying there right in the middle of the lane.

I wonder how smart my scissors are? I should sit down and have a chat with them.

...

You know what? They may be smart, but I've found out there's rivalry between them. See, the brown pair is older and more dull. The white pair is newer, sharper, and more popular with the main population in my house.

If you only have one pair of scissors, or if yours get along fine, someday you should ask them these two simple questions and see how they answer:

1) When lying in wait for unsuspecting tires, do you lie in the middle of the lane, or to one side?

2) When falling from a human's hands, is it better to open up and provide more sharp points to stab the toes below, or keep closed and have your full weight come down on one toe?

I suppose then we should also ask "Are you out to get us?"

A random question I hope someone might attempt to answer

You know how a rattlesnake's teeth curve in so that whatever they start eating they can't spit out again? Well, when one starts eating a rabbit from one end and another starts on the other end and they meet in the middle, what goes through the mind of the snake who fits in the mouth of the other? What's he thinking about on his way down to the other's stomach?

Four Dolls Held Hostage and Tortured. Police Suspect Foul Play

Jane Doe #1























Shelly






















Jane Doe #2























Sam

I'm from Kiwiland?

"Where's home for you?" the gentleman asked as he pulled a debit card from his wallet.

"North of here," I told him, wondering why he asked.

"And before that home was...?"

I looked at him quizically.

"Are you from Australia or New Zealand? You have an accent."

I grinned. "So I've heard. Most people guess it's a slight british accent. I was born and raised in BC, though, and my parents don't have accents like that."

It's out now. The other cachiers know about my never having been to school and having 7 siblings. Again I am the oddity. The evening they found out, I couldn't stop grinning at all their reactions. "There's EIGHT kids in your family? And you've NEVER been to public school?" You got that right. Never been to any kind of school. It's really not as uncommon as you think.

I'm reading The Oath by Frank Peretti...just about finished. It's the first of his books I've read and I've found it fascinating. A nice detour from my general genre of books. I don't usually read science fiction...watch it, but don't read it. I think I'll pay more attention to him from now on.

I was thinking about my Grandpa today. I heard something, don't remember what...something someone said, or a song or something...and that triggered it. I remember going down Island sometimes to visit on Father's day. I was looking at some pictures the other night too.

I'm not really sad...just...thoughtful? nostalgic? And quite disappointed that he never got to see Anders.

Paper or plastic?

"Would you like paper or plastic bags today?" I ask ever so sweetly.

"I hope I have enough money!"

All day long I ask, and half the answers I get have nothing to do with the question. The next time I decide to be a cachier I'll do it where the general population doesn't wear hearing aids.

Start to a great day

Yesterday the first person to come through my till was a lady. I said my usual "Hello Ma'am, how are you today?" and she stopped, looked at me for a moment with her head slightly tilted, and asked, "Are you a singer?"

"No..." a little bemused. "Why?"

"Your voice just sounds like a singer's. An Irish or Scottish singer. You should give it a try sometime."

Mozart