What's your denomination?

I just took an interesting online test to see what denomination best fits my beliefs. Here are the results:

1. (100%) Congregational/United Church of Christ
2. (96%) Baptist (Reformed/Particular/Calvinistic)
3. (89%) Presbyterian/Reformed
4. (86%) Eastern Orthodox
5. (82%) Methodist/Wesleyan/Nazarene
6. (79%) Anabaptist (Mennonite/Quaker etc.)
7. (79%) Baptist (non-Calvinistic)/Plymouth Brethren/Fundamentalist
8. (79%) Pentecostal.Charismatic/Assemblies of God
9. (75%) Anglican/Episcopal/Church of England
10. (75%) Lutheran
11. (68%) Seventh-Day Adventist
12. (62%) Church of Christ/Campbellite
13. (62%) Roman Catholic

Very interesting to see the results. For the first 9 or so years of my life my family attended Pentecostal Churches (we moved alot, hence the "es" on Church). Then we attended a Fellowship Baptist for...6 years I think. A little more moving and we checked out a few more churches (ie. a Four Square Church and a Mennonite Brethren, among others), but for the past 4 years or so we haven't attended church anywhere. So, with that as my background, I found these results rather interesting. And really, I no longer care what denomination a person attends, especially as I couldn't really say what my own is.

Relax. Anything can happen!

You know those books that are about one topic, but what they have to say can actually be applied to a lot of things? Well, I'm reading one. It's had a lot to say, but two things that have really stuck out to me are "Nothing is certain. Anything can happen." and "You don't have to know what's going to happen next to be successful."

Relax.

I really haven't a clue what's going to happen...and I always thought I accepted the fact and could go with the flow. But because so many of my posts have been about this topic or wanted to be about it, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not so good at going with the flow. Or rather, just relaxing and not worrying about where things are going. I guess I still think I'm reasonably good at going with the flow, I just worry about it at the same time.

Another point the book I'm reading has made is that every moment is unique. It's never been this moment before. And it will never be this moment again because each moment is determined by the ones that came before. So anything can happen. A lot has.

One day I want to write a book like this. A book about one thing but really is just about life. Look for it...Coming in 10 years to a bookstore near YOU!

Thankfuls

Yet again I really don't have anything to say, but I feel like posting anyway. It's 1:30 am, I'm up staring at computer screens, listening to Natalie McMaster and thinking about how perfectly happy and content I am right now. It's a strange feeling, considering the circumstances, but very pleasant. I had a talk with my dad yesterday, and chatted with Stefan tonight, and both of them said things I needed to hear. Mostly reminders, which is good. I don't have to have my life figured out...it'll all come right in God's timing. I just have to obey His commands. Funny thing though, I kept saying all the same stuff to Hillary this weekend and apparently promptly forgot it.

Life really is good though. Who cares that talking to a customer put me behind at work, or that I don't know how to explain what I believe about ghosts, or that I can make a good mocha? None of it really counts, and it shouldn't affect the quality of my life. I'm happy because I'm alive, God is good, and the sun is making a regular appearance. When I lay down with my 3 yo sister Gaelyn at bedtime and ask her if she wants to pray, she always says "How about we do thankfuls?" Three thankfuls for her, three for me. "I'm thankful for that Chelle-boy make the cake. I'm thankful for that we planted flowers. I'm thankful for that Danaka being nice to me." You know what? I think that's what life's really about. The thankfuls. Here are some of mine:
1. SUNSHINE!
2. Celtic music and violins
3. the colour green
4. different accents
5. grace
6. the unconditional love of God.
7. the music on the Pirates of the Caribbean
8. Third Day's album "Wherever You Are"

I wish I could share this feeling with you...I wish it would stay with me. I guess that's why we need to live our lives despite our feelings.

Faith, Love, and the Will of God

Faith is important to me. The ability to let go and trust in God's goodness and His ability to catch me when I fall. Great things happen when you put the ball in God's court. That's when lions don't eat and people can die joyfully and fires don't consume. I want faith like the Great Ones had. They didn't all survive their physical ordeals--many of them died or are dying horrible deaths--but they have seen great works of the Lord because they trusted and relied on Him. I am not a faithful servant. I don't read the Bible every day. I don't pray every day. I don't go to church. I don't memorize Scripture. But I love the Lord. I guess, though, I should do some of these things more...it's just that they seem to turn into meaningless rituals. I don't want meaningless rituals though. And yet, I suppose growth comes with slogging through it too.

What is the essence of God's will? Here I mean His general will for mankind. A place to start would be the law. That seems to be what Judaism is based on. And the law is summed up as "love the Lord" and "love others". That's God's will. Jesus said we are His friends if we do what He commanded us, and in that same passage He commands us twice to love others and once to bear fruit--presumably to spread the love. Virtually everything else He tells us to do fits under the heading of 'love'. So if you think about it that way, His will is simple: Love me, love them. Simple, but not always so easy. I guess that's where the faith comes in. When you're faced with a situation where you can't find love for someone, you have to act it anyway, trusting that God will provide it. Love is a choice, not a feeling, so when you choose to love someone you don't like, God will provide the strength to show it. Maybe He'll even send the feeling. But if you do it without grudging, He can show you the things about that person that He loves.

I have failed miserably here. I've bad-mouthed people, ignored them, ridiculed them, and dishonoured them in so many ways and I wish I could go back and change that but I can't. All I can do it change my responses in the future and pray God will help me next time.

It's gotta be there SOMEWHERE!

Edit: My sister won a gold medal today in the individual air rifle competition. She got 388 points out of 400. Silver got 383 points.


1. It is snowing AGAIN today! I thought I didn't live in Alberta so that my winter would be ONE WEEK of snow and a few months of rain...apparently not.

2. I've been thinking about a couple of verses recently. I seem to like the ones that say "If you...then this." So, here it is:

"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."
Colossians 2:6-7

Why does it always make things sound so easy? I feel sometimes like when it comes to roots, I've hit a rock and can't go any further, and when it comes to building...well, I think I picked a different building site than the one Jesus laid a foundation for. Or did I just pick a different building plan, and so only sort of missed the foundation? Which is worse because then part of your house is sure to fall down. But of course there are other times (times I hope are me seeing things clearly!) when I think, "Hey, I didn't really miss the foundation, and that rock? It wasn't that big after all." So there is hope.

3. I've been thinking of something else as well. My plans have changed and they're big exciting ones that don't include E. Hastings and homeless people and changing the world...and I keep wondering if that's ok with Him. I mean...was/is His plan for me to go to Vancouver like I'd planned, or was it just that...my plan? Does it particularly matter to Him where I go? I remember just KNOWING that DTS for me was supposed to be in Van. And I remember Susan saying He left the choice up to her...it didn't matter where it was. Why couldn't He just give me a map with lines telling me where to go? I've been learning a lot of things recently and there are some logical steps that should be taken, but since when does God operate soley in the logical? So many times He's done the illogical, or asked for the illogical, but He also created logic and uses it too. So you can't just go with the logical steps, but you can't wait around for the illogical instruction either or you may not go anywhere ever.

4. How do you know when it's God talking? And not just you? And NOBODY tell me to go read that Cunningham book.

"Our God is an awesome God..."

MY GOD IS SO AWESOME! He's bringing things together in ways I didn't expect...changing ideas, presenting different opportunities, sending encouragement in things that weren't meant to be that way (ie. darn ravens dropping seeds)...I think this has been a God day. You cannot realize how happy I am at this minute! God is good, life is good, and I think the fog may be lifting a little.

Sorry for the vagueness. I need to see how this all works out first.

Come what may...He's looking out for us. Don't forget that in your wanderings.

Don't even bother reading this. Really, it's not worth it.

While looking over my last few posts, I noticed that I've had to edit a few of them. Something must be wrong if I have to do that all the time. Perhaps I say too many things I shouldn't.


Several weeks ago I was talking to someone at work about a certain movie that gives Jesus a personality. And I don't mean all those old movies where He always looks like the cross is hanging over Him...like a wet blanket. I don't think He was like that at all...and yet, I don't really know what I think He was. I can't get past the part about Him being God. In my mind He’s holy, perfect, solemn, and untouchable. Closer than Allah, but still not…I don’t know. For example, I hear people talking about God liking to be asked or wanting us to tell Him what we feel, what we need, etc. But I think about how frustrated I get with 6 little kids (or even just one or two) demanding my attention and needing my help. Give me a break! I’m selfish and I want to do my own thing un-interrupted for a couple of hours. And if I just saw you do something, I don’t want you to replay it for me, even if it WAS funny. So how can I believe that God wants that? I suppose the key would be in SELFISH. I am. God’s not. See? Even in this post I can’t get past Jesus being God. Shut up, Layne. You’re babbling and no one cares anyway.


SO, happy new year to you all. I’ll go now.

...happy birthday.

I think I've learned a lot this past year about life. A constantly recurring theme is "people need someone to listen to them." I've seen it in my friends in DTS who wouldn't seem to let me get a word in the conversation unless I raised my hand (I can be very quiet at times)[Edit: I'm really not trying to make anyone feel bad. It only happened in group settings, not one-on-one talks.], the people I met on the street who had life-stories they wanted to share, my co-workers, and the counceling course I took at the Crisis Pregnancy Center. I'm a person and I need to be heard, but when I talk I've begun to take more notice of the things my listener does that make me either feel heard or ignored. I'm trying to learn how to be a better listener so that even if I don't have someone to listen to me, I can still provide it for others.

Another thing I've experienced is that while religions mean something, denominations do not. Whether someone is Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, Anglican, Catholic, or whatever, it doesn't matter. If they are a Christian then we both share basic common beliefs. The differences don't matter. They have some things right that I don't have, and the other way around, and it's not worth fighting about.

I've met a few Christian customers at work. Most of them I haven't been able to talk to much, but from the first moment of finding out we're both Christians there's a connection. And for a moment I don't feel so...adrift. It's like being lost in a huge crowd and suddenly seeing a familiar face.

I've had a pretty sheltered life. Practically everyone I've associated with has been a Christian. There's always been that connection. You say things and they know what you're talking about (or at least have some sort of idea) because you both speak christianese...things can be unsaid because you both know what's behind what you say. And even the way I've worded this paragraph...Some people are going to know what some of these things are that I'm talking about, and some won't have a clue. Another example would maybe be my plan to move to Vancouver. I tend to simplify it because not everyone gets the idea of "feeling it's where the Lord wants you." Huh? What's God got to do with it? But that's why the face doesn't have to BE familiar to FEEL familiar.

I've learned that I am capable of more than I realize. I have more to offer people than I realize. And all this 'more' is because Jesus dwells in me and works through me. So it's not really me but Him. He can do big things through me. I don't ever have to do things alone in my own weak strength.

I've learned that what you do with tragedies and bad times prepares you to help someone else through their own hard times.

I've learned that attitude problems are hard to deal with because they're slippery and don't like getting stuck in corners where you can lay your hands on them. I'm still trying to pin them down to figure out what's wrong with me.

You can't change other people. You can only change your reaction.

This next year I hope to gain a better understanding of who I am and what I have to offer the world, because Myself and I are just accquaintances. I keep surprising myself with my contradicting personality. I don't make a lot of sense. Do I have a split personality?

Today's random thought

I was thinking today that considering Jesus was Jewish, not Christian, a lot of Christians (myself most definately included) probably don't understand what Christianity is really based on. I know I spend a lot of time reading the New Testament, but I don't really understand the Old. I don't understand the culture, the practices, the significance of the different feasts and festivals and sacrifices, the rituals...a lot of which God put into place for the Jews. I think I really need to check this stuff out. Yes, Jesus came to fulfill the law and it doesn't bind us anymore and all that stuff, but it's still our foundation.

five values I want to live my life by

Ok. So, I've thought some more on those personal values and have an idea of what's important to me. I suppose the easiest way is just to slap in here what I wrote in my journal. If it appears a little disjointed, just remember I wrote it as I was figuring it out.

Freedom to do what I want when I want where I want without monetary restrictions. Freedom to give to whoever I want. I guess a lot of Freedom to me is also no putting value on things; possessions. You know? For example, if I felt led to live in the dodgy part of town and invite a socially unacceptable person over for supper, I wouldn't want to worry about missing cutlery. To walk down the street and have no restraints on giving your pocket money to the street artist trying to earn enough money to buy his next meal. Maybe written out this doesn't sound like a part of Freedom, but in my mind (where it matters) it is. So:

1. Freedom

Adventure would be another value that is important to me. I don't want to live a dull humdrum life. I don't want to live the life of security and comfort. I want to be comfortable, but not at the price of Adventure. I want to take that leap (or even just that step) of faith, not knowing what will come of it, but knowing it is right; it is the Adventure. So:

2. Adventure

Family is important. Friendship I never put much value on because my Family is my support system. They have shaped who I am. They will always be here, a part of me, a gift from God, and good relationships with them are important to me. But then, in a way Friendship has become more important to me since DTS, so maybe I should put Relationships as my value. I am no social butterfly, but when I think about it, there are a few Friends whose friendship I value. Many people I am neither here nor there with, but there are a few. [here followed those tantilizing names that I will not post] So:

3. Relationships

Life. Human Life. It is a precious and very much undervalued thing in western society. Women abort their babies every day and most people don't seem to think twice about it. They donate their time, their money, and their Q-points at the grocery store to the SPCA and other animal-related societies, and though I agree that it is wrong to exploit nature or be cruel to animals, I think it's highly over-rated. People are suffering. People are dying. We can make a difference in someone's Life, even help save their Life, but it's the animals that everyone feels sorry for. Not the homeless 'bum' in Downtown East Side Vancouver, or the prostitutes the world over who landed their jobs not through their own choice but through the trickery and deceit of people they trusted. Life matters to God, and it matters to me. So:

4. Life

My Relationship With God is the most important value in my life. I want my life to revolve around this. In a way I guess all my other values fall under this one. Living a life in tune with God produces Freedom. It leads to Adventure. It affects your Relationships. It prompts you to look out for the Lives around you, and try to make them better. So:

5. Relationship With God

--end of journal entry--

If I live my life true to my values, I will be happier than if I had a million dollars, lived in the nicest house, and had all the 'things' I ever wanted. May God help me to LIVE!

values

My mom and I were talking for a little bit one evening recently (we talk more than that, but this was a short conversation) and she made some comment about knowing what your personal values are and knowing whether you live with them or against them. Got me thinking. What are my values? What things or ideas do I think are important? How can I know I'm living with them unless I know what they are? So I started writing some down. It's very interesting to see what I actually value and what I just think are good ideas but aren't important to me. I suppose in a way I started subconsciously thinking about it in YWAM, but now I'm trying to articulate it for myself. Do *I* actually believe certain things or put value on them, or am I just thinking a certain way because that's what my parents taught me?

Random thought: cold pancakes, raspberries, and whipped cream are very good on a hot day.

Random picture: I took this picture of the ghosts in Maroc. We were waiting for the cook to arrive at our chosen cafe in Essaouira.

Random thought: my accent says I'm from England, Ireland, and most recently South Africa and New Zealand. Can't I talk like the VIer that I am? I'm CANADIAN, and my parents don't have weird accents. Yet I'm often asked (by locals who I THOUGHT sounded just like me. I grew up here, after all) where I'm from.

The time before Once Upon a Time

I feel like I'm back in that awkward transition time of life. I've come from one place and I'm headed to the next, but I don't know where it is yet. And that makes the time...hard. And yet, I feel like I've had assurances from God Himself that He has things under control and that it's all gonna turn out ok. So when I remember that, the future seems exciting. Where's He going to take me? What am I going to do? At times I am impatient for the next part to come because I'm SURE it is going to be great, but that impatience causes me to miss out on the current part which also has it's goodness. It's really going to be interesting to look back and see how it all fits together.

I've had parts of Third Day's song "Rise Up" going through my head recently. It says some of what I'm feeling.

Don't let your heart be troubled

This world will never keep you down

It will never keep you down

So rise up, my friend

[Know] this will never be the end

So rise up, my friend

And live again

...But in your weakness you will learn to find

That I will always be your strength

I know I said I might not update much...well, I guess I need to. So, as long as my wrists will let me, I'll keep at it. But if I disappear, no one call the police. The Serial Killer didn't get me, my wrists probably did. Amy, that's for you.

"Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires." --Ps 37:3+4

"Seizing Your Divine Moment" by Erwin Raphael McManus

Living a life pleasing to God is more than just avoiding evil. It's seeking to do good. It's active. Taking initiative. Doing SOMETHING instead of just not doing wrong. When you delight yourself in God He gives you desires. Passions. And He wants you to do something about them, even if it's not quite the thing He wanted you to do. He's God after all, so he can redirect you if it's necessary.

Now I have to practice.

I'm in love!

There's a song whose chorus goes:

My heart is full, my heart is full/ Why could I want for more/ When my cup overflows?/ My heart is full, my heart is full/ This much I know.

I suppose that sums up how I've been feeling recently. There's Someone who keeps sending me roses. I think I'm in love. He knows just the kind I like. The simple wild roses with a delicate scent.

He's shown me the intricasies of the stones down at the beach. He even arranged to have a couple of seals show up and slap their tails around for my amusement tonight.

There's so much. So much to say, and no way to say it. How do I let out what's inside? But You know what's there. You can see it when I can't express it. Thank goodness for that, or You'd never know.

Absolute Truth

The danger of millions of years

CREATIONWISE Cartoon

“Christianity has fought, still fights, and will fight science to the desperate end over evolution, because evolution destroys utterly and finally the very reason Jesus’ earthly life was supposedly made necessary. Destroy Adam and Eve and the original sin, and in the rubble you will find the sorry remains of the son of god. Take away the meaning of his death. If Jesus was not the redeemer that died for our sins, and this is what evolution means, then Christianity is nothing.”

G. Richard Bozarth, “The Meaning of Evolution”, American Atheist, 20 Sept. 1979, p. 30

Thinkings from the past few weeks

WARNING: This post is not a brainless post, and I will not be offended if no one reads the entire thing. Just don't tell me. I'm mostly just trying to solidify things in my mind.

I've been thinking. And I've been thinking about it for the last 3-4 weeks. And what I've been thinking about is this: exactly what is faith and how do I use it? Especially for the benefit of others and not just myself. So I've been searching the Bible for the answer and, though I don't have all of it I have found a few interesting things that have previously missed.

Behold! The Bible gives a definition! "Now faith is the (assurance, substance, confidence) of things hoped for, the (conviction, evidence, assurance) of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 NASB, NKJV, NLT

I hereby insert dictionary definitions of the words in parenthesis.

Assurance: a positive declaration intended to give confidence; freedom from doubt, certainty

Substance: that of which a thing consists; the actual matter of a thing, as opposed to the appearance or shadow; reality

Confidence: belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing; full trust; reliance; assurance

Conviction: a fixed or firm belief; the state of being convinced

Evidence: ground for belief; an indication or sign; show clearly; manifest

Anyone slog through all that? Here's more. I've highlighted the parts that really stuck out to me.

Romans 4:18-21 "Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping--believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, "That's how many descendants you will have!" And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead--and so was Sarah's womb. Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever He promises." NLT

Matthew 17:20 Jesus heals a demon possesed man whom His disciples had been unable to heal:

""You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."" NLT

Matthew 21:20-22 "And when the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, "How did the fig tree wither away so soon?" So Jesus answered and said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, "Be removed and cast into the sea," it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."" NKJV

James 1:5-8 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." NKJV

So, what I get from this is that faith is unwavering belief, and if I ask God for anything, if I don't doubt, He will give it to me. Where I get a little confused is in cases like, say, Joni Ericson Tada. I'm sure someone prayed for her without doubting, and yet she's not healed. Obviously God had a plan for her the way she is, and I know He has used her in incredible ways, but still things like that make it hard to keep from asking for things and yet keeping the door ajar. Not doubting that God can do it, cause I know He can, but wondering if He really will. After all, we are told in Romans 8:28 that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." NIV

When God uses bad judgment

What does it mean to surrender your whole life to God? Does it mean telling people the things you feel God has laid on your heart to say to them? Does it mean moving to Guatemala if you feel it is His will? Does it mean taking drastic action to stop having kids after two because your previous pregnancies endangered your life? Or to stop after 8 because you landed in the hospital?

Why could I go to Indonesia and get decapitated because I'm a Christian and people back home would say, "God's will be done. He's called her home to receive her crown" but if I bled to death after 3 difficult pregnancies many of the same people would say, "What business did she have trying to have another baby? She nearly died after the first two" as if I can really determine wether I have a baby or not? God sent it, right? I didn't make it.

Why do we talk so much about God's leading in every aspect of our lives and yet put limitations on what parts He really has any say on? God never said life was going to be easy. He said we would have trials. And He never said He wouldn't let us die. So, is letting Him send that last pregnancy that ultimately ends your life bad judgment? Does God use bad judgment?

I've had to think about this. What with my mom recently having her eighth baby and ending up in the hospital (she's fine now) and people asking me if my parents are going to stop now and wanting to know what I think of their philosophy, it's been on my mind. Dad and I talked about it this afternoon (among other things) so I thought I'd share it with any who cares to read this.

Thoughts, any one?